Bean Bean

im a single father. it has turned out to be the single most rewarding thing i have ever done. especially for a guy like me.

as a young man, my vanity in my stringy hair and the amount of money i used to make on the street kept me in an arrogant place. i stood a girl up for her senior prom. i made a girl buy me an MPC drum machine ($1800) and i never so much as kissed her. i even, at my worst, made a girl stand in the corner when she said she's do anything for us to stay together.

my mother never saw any of that from me. there was times she wouldnt see me for months because i would never let her see any of my illegal dealings. my mother never even saw me smoke a cigarette. i have never respected a female as much as she. that is, until the day my daughter was born.

when my mother passed, i was plannin on doin somethin real dirty to a person that did me real dirty. but when she passed, noting seemed to matter. that thing that kept me rooted, or at the very least embarrassed to go off the deep end was gone. or so i thought. because i recognize that same power in my daughter. she looks at me with absolute acceptance and forgiveness and only hopes that i make her smile again. she has taught me a meaning of love that is not only selfless, but self sustaining. you see, im not willing to die for her today. im willing to die for her right NOW.

this experience has turned the memory of my mother from being a saint into a demi-god, for she who bore the burden of caring and providing for three children on her own, to actually marrying a man that she didnt love just to bring stability into the lives of her children. see, its that selfless example had made me ice cold to the selfish desires of women over the years. but she grew to love him, as did i, up until the day he died. i like to say he aint the man who gave me my cheek bones. but he damn sure the one who gave me my backbone.

so imma stand strait when i say how much i respect the single mothers who take care of their children without any help from a man. i can finally say that i understand how strong you actually are. you are awesome. i have first hand knowledge of your power. and for the many men that i meet, that are just like me, who iron dresses and do hair, i salute with a supreme respect that manhood is NOT a right of gender.

my daughter is singlehandedly making me into a better person. i am becoming a man i respect. more than just a provider. but PRESENT. for my future she, you will encounter a man that is ready to be one. and i will be a good man to you and for you one day, simply because i want to be. because i have abused so many, just to learn how to treat you right.

thank you Serene. daddy loves you...

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